Miserable

Hello!

It's been a long hiatus and I'm coming back with trashy complain as usual.

Well. How do I begin with.

It has been bothered me since forever, honestly. I dunno, as you accomplished a goal, you started to crave for more. It goes well with relationship. It's not like I 'm not that grateful. But as you notice that socmed become viral and everything is published and romantic levels in a relationship is getting higher. So. I'm. Craving. For More. I don't know when it started and the last time I remembered I'm not a romantic type or such. But I can't help. A woman has that high expectation towards man apparently :(

I'm hoping you to treat me well, flowers, surprises, or such; not only food I started kind of pissed off by called glutton which is I'm not I just have a big appetite but it's started to bothers me too.

I'm hoping you to treat me as a special person, I don't like it whenever you treat me like your mere friend

I'm hoping you didn't ignore me wherever your friend is around; and forgot my existence

I'm hoping you treat me better on some of my special days

I'm hoping you take my hand on a crowded place

I'm hoping you walk by my side or behind me in a public place, just don't walk that fast and leave me behind
I'm hoping I'm not always the plan B

I'm hoping you start doing instead of saying bcs that's what sets my hopes up

I'm hoping you didn't ignore me after you've got what you want

I'm hoping you didn't compare me with your ex like seriously I said before I'm not that oh-so-caring-about-anything type but eventually it did bother me

I'm hoping you praise me even just once, it hurts me whenever you told me I'm not attractive or when you start pointed out my body as a joke. Like. Am I really that ugly?

I'm hoping you treated me as a woman

I'm hoping you take me to your home to be introduced to your family

I'm hoping I have forever to annoy you in a romantic way

I'm hoping you fight for us

I'm hoping you feel this way too

I'm hoping you love me.

Ok they're sound miserable and I think there will be more on the list but let's just ends this up.

I think I take you for granted.

Ok. Breathe. Keep on swimming.

Keep on swimming.

What a Post to Start a New Month

(((internally screams)))

You are somebody's reason to smile

Akan ada saat dimana kita menyadari bahwa kita telah menjadi secuil kebahagiaan bagi orang lain. Bahwa kita lupa, bahagia tidak memiliki sudut datang. Ia datang begitu saja.

Ctik ctik ctik

Keyboard laptop beradu dengan jemariku sembari berseluncur di dunia maya. Waktuku semakin sempit dan aku masih bingung membuat judul untuk perancangan semester depan. Topiknya sudah ada, namun belum bertemu jodoh-judul yang tepat.

Seketika aku teringat seorang senior dengan tugas akhir produk tas. Dia baru saja lulus beberapa wisuda yang lalu. Jadi kuputuskan untuk meng-googling materinya sebagai referensi.

Tapi

Ternyata

Aku malah menemukan namaku di bagian daftar ucapan terimakasihnya.

Ha!

Mungkin aku sudah melongo selama lima menit.

Tetiba aku merasa menjadi orang yang sangat jahat. Ketika aku tidak menyukai seseorang, ketika aku merasa terganggu dan takut dengan seseorang aku cenderung defensif, menghindar, atau tak acuh. Dan dalam taraf tertentu aku bisa mengambil langkah yang cukup ekstrem.

Aku tidak tahu bahwa peranku sebegitu besarnya bagimu.

Maaf untuk selama ini, bukannya aku benci it's just I'm scaredly shy that I built that wall. Aku merasa tidak pernah memberikan sumbangsih dalam perjuangan tugas akhirmu. Jadi bagaimana bisa kamu malah menuliskan namaku di daftar terimakasihmu. Uh. Aku merasa mencurangi daftar, I'm not even worth for that. Aku tidak terbiasa dengan perhatian seperti ini.

Aku tahu kecil kemungkinannya kamu membaca ini, dan ini sudah lamaaa sekali, aku juga tidak tahu bagaimana harus berterimakasih kepadamu. But thanks for (maybe, even I didn't realised it myself) letting me bought a glimpse of joy on you.

Dan,

ketika kita bertemu lagi nanti, kuharap aku bisa menyapamu dengan tulus.

Maaf Ya Lagi-lagi Lagi Males Upload Foto

Aku suka naik kendaraan umum.

Halo! Selamat senja! Iya aku tahu ini nggak nyambung sama judul di atas. Contrary to most popular belief, I like taking public transportation. Mungkin aku seorang dari segelintir orang yang menikmati menggunakan kendaraan umum tanpa merasa terpaksa. Aku aneh ya? Yea I heard that a lot so it's doesn't matter anymore kekeke.

Ya walaupun sih naik angkot atau apalah itu benar-benar nggak praktis, berabe, sesak, kadang bisa ketemu sopir yg nyetirnya ugal atau suka ngetem lama padahal kita lagi keburu-buru. Yeah do not take public transportation if you were in hurry tho. Karena itu rasanya bakal gambling sekali, such a fortune kalau kamu naik di angkot yang sopirnya ugal. Tapi. Ya. Gitu. Tadi. Hati, jantung, dan nurani jadi nggak tenang.

Tapi untuk permulaan, untungnya aku tinggal di malang, dimana sistem perangkotan di sini mudah dipelajari, mudah dikenali, dan mudah ditemukan kapanpun. Like, you got your boyfie mad at you at 9 pm? Don't worry, off the car take me I'll be there for you. Ntap. (atau mungkin km bisa naik taksi sih, atau gojek, or simply do not off the car and face the anger)

Tapi seriously, kendaraan umum membantumu untuk tetap bersyukur. Gamblangnya, naik kendaraan umum gives the same feels like in airport or shelter or whatever it is bcs I like to wonder orang ini mau kemana ya, orang itu pakai baju santai dia pasti mau melakukan perjalanan jauh, orang ini sedang mencari siapa ya, gilak habis dari mana banyak bener kardusnya, or something like that.

Public transportation always runs slowly. Jadi kamu mendapat kesempatan untuk melihat segalanya yang ada di sekitar jalan dengan lebih dekat. Giving you a chances to wondering more. Mungkin kamu bakal satu angkot sama ex pengamen jalanan dengan rambut coklat terbakar mataharinya dan logat jawa ngokonya-ngoko, mungkin kadang ada juga ibu ibu habis dari pasar dengan sekeranjang sayur mayur yg uangnya diambil dari dompet toko emas, or you will trapped between fussy enthusiastic after school girls. Menarik, menarik saat aku jadi berpikir tiap kali naik angkot atau bus atau apapun aku bakal satu atap sama orang seperti apa.

Or better yet, kamu akan menemukan dirimu menatap apa yang ada di belakang jalan raya melalui pintu yang terbuka atau celah jendela di antara kepala-kepala penumpang lain. Kamu bisa jadi tersenyum saat melihat seorang kakek tua yang berbicara dengan kucing di pinggir jalan, mendapati alismu mengerut saat ada tukang parkir yang bertengkar dengan pedagang buah apel, atau simply kamu terkekeh karena cerita cinta monyet se-geng anak sekolahan.

Melihat ke atas memang bisa menjadi motivasi kehidupanmu, tapi kadang membuatmu lupa untuk bersyukur. Bahwa nggak semua orang seberuntung dirimu. Bahwa banyak yang rela mengorbankan apapun untuk berada di posisimu. Bahwa sesungguhnya semua hal ada untuk disyukuri. In case, then, try take public transportation once.

Bonus pap angkot yang dulu mengantarkanku nyaris kemana saja;

Haaaaaaai

Hai!
It's been (((super long))) while yha, I promised myself to slipped in some of my projects buuuut I know how lazy I am haha. And now I'm in mood yet not that kind of mood for uploading my project lol but I'm so tiredd and (still) excited at the same time. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe.
Zzz..........

Ps. Remind me later!

"Now that you know the world is complicated, here the thing is, you can't choose who you fall in love with" - Jaime Lannister

Just another random dawn

Someone once said this to me "you're perfectly fit ambivert's desc I read on oxford dictionary and other sources"

It was my very first time hearing that word and when I looked on oxford dictionary later I felt like something's lit up inside me it was like finally you found your motorcycles key after losing it for whole day. Because one day I could be the one who freely enjoying her meals and make it to triple in crowd and the other day I probably just liked to shut myself abandoning world, just because. That someone said I mostly on white or black, but never gray. I'm only have two season not monsoons between.

That's not truely true but I'm not saying that's false either I sometimes thought that I mostly gray.

But it's okay that's not really mattered tho.

And idk there's this moment when I had too much stuffs on my head they're just fussy above there so fuzzy and idk I might be turned out to be introverted by.

And there's this moment when I just can't sleep and thinking about how universe moves in a poetic way.

And I told me that Haruki Murakami's just way too gloomy to be read.

⬆Is (nearly) on her limit

Libur libur libur libur libur libur libur please libur please please please please please

Aku ya ogah pacaran mamel

Karena menurutku,

Membiarkan orang yang kamu sayang meragukan perasaanmu

Itu salah

Dunia memang tidak selalu harus tahu, tapi sesekali kamu harus memberi tahu dunia. It's not for your own sake nor the world's. But, hers

Karena seharusnya sebuah hubungan tidak perlu dipingit. Dan tapi, ya, memang tidak semuanya harus diumbar dan diungkapkan

Tapi

Tapi seharusnya ini juga diungkapkan.

Itu juga salah

Halah

Tapi kita bisa apa
Aku bisa apa.

When Your Good is Not Good Enough

it's been ages i don't write any post and whenever i do i came up with trashy-cheesy stories.

and now too.

i don't even know what to write tho. this semester wrecked me up -- my life is a mess -- should've sums up my whole story. it's 21.35 pm i should be doin assignments by now but.

but.

i know this time too, shall pass.

Dream a little dream of me

Ada banyak bangku kosong, Mas. 

Kusisakan satu untukmu.

Dalam fokusku.

Kemana

"Biarkan mengalir apa adanya, biarkan dirimu terbawa arus, kelak kamu akan menemukan jawabannya"

Dan sampai sekarang kamu masih tersesat? Masih membiarkan dirimu terbawa arus? Mengalir begitu saja? Masih belum tau mau kemana? Masih belum tau hendak menjadi apa?

Kebacut  kamu.

Precious in Frame

"If the green left the grass on the other side

I would make like a tree and leave
But if I reached for your hand, would your eyes get wide
Who knew the other side could be so green"

Honey and The Bee - Owl City

Do not get tired of me

There is too few people I trust,

so do not get tired of me.