It hurts.

And you said that you were sure that we won't be broken up because of third party but still, you were with her.

You said that you can't go on without me that you need my presence but still,  you left.

Recently it's been extremely hard to love myself. Like I am and will never be enough. Like I'm the dumbest person on the planet. I saw this coming but still, I stayed. I wished you stopped normalized cheating like there's any reasonable excuse out there. I wished I had listened to my intuition. I wished I had enough courage to let go.

I hate this side of me. I hate this.

I even hate all of this because I can't say anything to anyone and let it left in on the drafts. It still hurts.

4 Years Later: Still Miserable

Hi.

Let's fast forward to 4 years later. I know I always write whenever I am feeling blue. I've been away from this platform for years and I am coming back being miserable again haha.

Turned out, some of my wishes on my previous post did come true. Some of them weren't. That's why am coming back here hahahahaha. Pathetic.

I think I lost my sense to write, my vocabularies are limited and my tenses are not great. I also lost a person I dear so much. I lost myself these past days. I lost bucks of money just to make my mind stay sane (aka expensive food). To sums up, my world is crumbling down into pieces, just like an apple pie I have finished just now.

It didn't even occur in my mind that I am going to lost someone to a stranger. But I did. Twice. It's funny how I trusted this person with my life and this is the way he turned back to me. Being cheated is hurts. Sometimes it hurts so much I couldn't even handle myself, another time is just a numb. Like there's hollow inside my chest that feels hurt and nothing at the same time.

Dear Yogi (hope this find you well), infidelity doesn't make me forget faster, it only doubles the pain.

Ah, when will this end?

Miserable

Hello!

It's been a long hiatus and I'm coming back with trashy complain as usual.

Well. How do I begin with.

It has been bothered me since forever, honestly. I dunno, as you accomplished a goal, you started to crave for more. It goes well with relationship. It's not like I 'm not that grateful. But as you notice that socmed become viral and everything is published and romantic levels in a relationship is getting higher. So. I'm. Craving. For More. I don't know when it started and the last time I remembered I'm not a romantic type or such. But I can't help. A woman has that high expectation towards man apparently :(

I'm hoping you to treat me well, flowers, surprises, or such; not only food I started kind of pissed off by called glutton which is I'm not I just have a big appetite but it's started to bothers me too.

I'm hoping you to treat me as a special person, I don't like it whenever you treat me like your mere friend

I'm hoping you didn't ignore me wherever your friend is around; and forgot my existence

I'm hoping you treat me better on some of my special days

I'm hoping you take my hand on a crowded place

I'm hoping you walk by my side or behind me in a public place, just don't walk that fast and leave me behind
I'm hoping I'm not always the plan B

I'm hoping you start doing instead of saying bcs that's what sets my hopes up

I'm hoping you didn't ignore me after you've got what you want

I'm hoping you didn't compare me with your ex like seriously I said before I'm not that oh-so-caring-about-anything type but eventually it did bother me

I'm hoping you praise me even just once, it hurts me whenever you told me I'm not attractive or when you start pointed out my body as a joke. Like. Am I really that ugly?

I'm hoping you treated me as a woman

I'm hoping you take me to your home to be introduced to your family

I'm hoping I have forever to annoy you in a romantic way

I'm hoping you fight for us

I'm hoping you feel this way too

I'm hoping you love me.

Ok they're sound miserable and I think there will be more on the list but let's just ends this up.

I think I take you for granted.

Ok. Breathe. Keep on swimming.

Keep on swimming.